Life: Act II

Let's take a quick tangent from the usual coding and technology posts, and instead venture into the world of personal life. Scary stuff, I know.

This blog post serves as the first public documentation that I am Transgender. If you're here, thank you for taking the time to read this post. If you decide to leave halfway through, then more power to you. I expect that many of my friends (and maybe family) will at some point see this post, either because I've sent it to you or because you've clicked on it from a social media news feed. Or, maybe you somehow Googled it and now you're here wondering what the heck is going on...

Beginning in the Summer of 2022 I began seriously introspecting and examining myself, my emotions and feelings, and my mind. That's not to say that this "trans thing" is anything new: this is actually something I've dealt with for most of my life. However over the course of the past few years it has been taking a major negative toll on my mental health by way of anxiety, which I even received medication for. While medication helped a little bit, an underlying depression remained. It was because of this recent increased distress that I started thinking about this as more of a public decision.

In September of 2022 I made the decision to begin "coming out" to close family members. Their reactions and resulting support have been very positive, and that positivity has motivated me to continue this journey. This has blossomed into a much higher level of confidence as well as a massive decrease in anxiety and panic.

So, what does all this mean, for you?


Seriously, nothing.

I understand that the transgender concept as a whole may be confusing or even unsettling for some people. I understand that people may have questions, some people may not "get it", I understand that the perceptions of others do in fact matter. At the time of writing this post, I have neither formally nor informally changed my legal name or pronouns, and really don't expect anyone else to at this time either. Trust me, I will let you know when that happens.

Ultimately, my goal is to transition "organically". To me this means continuing to use the name everyone knows me by, and the masculine pronouns that everyone is used to using with me. At some point, it will become blatantly obvious that (for all social intents and purposes) I am no longer male. When that day comes, I believe that a name and pronoun change will come much more naturally to both myself and to my friends and family.

I've been framing this in my own mind as "closing the curtain on Act I of Life" – it's bittersweet, but there's a heavy emphasis on the sweet part. At my core, I am still me: I don't see my personality changing very much at all, and if anything, it should only get better as the shroud of anxiety and depression washes away.

If you've read this far, thank you. I don't know exactly who you are (or do I? analytics be like --), but I probably love you. If you happen to be going through something similar, reach out, let's talk.

I know a lot of people and have many acquaintances. This alone has been stressful, just thinking about the number of people that I need to come out to. However, I'm pretty comfortable with sweeping announcement posts now, like this one. The goal here is simply to inform you. Of course, if you want more of a "story" I can definitely give you one :)

Even if you disagree with my life choices, I've got nothing against you. We can absolutely remain friends. Over the years I've learned that you definitely cannot please everyone, so at the end of the day it's best to make yourself happy first.

Here's to the end of Act I y'all. Act II is about to be crazy.

-- Nick (for now)

Nicole Wilging

Nicole Wilging